Debut novelist kills first-time sushi chef

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Image by evo_terra via Flickr"][/caption]

I engaged in an interesting experiment today. And now that I'm done wanting to bang my head against the sharp corner of my desk, I find  the results interesting.

This started with me seeing an ad for a terrible-looking book with a terrible-sounding title with terribly-written teaser copy and a terribly-illustrated cover¹. And if that wasn't enough, the words "DEBUT NOVELIST" were proudly on display.

Ugh.

By now you know that I'm deeply involved in yet another publishing initiative, this time focused on training/educating authors on the new digital publishing landscape of today. Glutton for punishment? That's me.

And it was with that eye that I realized: authors and publishers have imbued the word debut with legendary status. I've seen that word -- or heard that word -- associated with new books by new authors countless times.

The amazing debut novel from... Ground-breaking  work by debut novelist...

The marketer in me² couldn't let it go. Was that word somehow a trigger that publishers and authors have learned enhances the purchasing response? Would adding the word "debut" to a book somehow increase the chance of someone deciding to purchase the book?

So I did the only logical thing that a skeptic would do: I ran the most unscientific test I could devise in the 3.4 seconds I thought about it. I asked FACEBOOK!

My first attempt was met with abject failure. I asked the following question:

Dumb-ass me. I of course got plenty of answers like "A" and "B". [sigh] So I resolved to re-write the question in somewhat of a less ambiguous way. Hence my new missive:

This time I learned an interesting and valuable lesson: People don't fucking read! Not that they don't read books, mind you. They just don't read questions well. Or rather, they try and anticipate some hidden meaning behind your question. Worse still, they play out a whole conspiratorial scene in their head, crafting their answer as to somehow keep them in good graces with whatever group might read too much into the answer.

Just. Answer. The. Fucking. Question!

Yes, I had an answer I was trying to get to, you idiot! But it was not whether or not I see value in a new authors work. Nor was I trying to infer that you should only stick to the books you know. Nor do I give a shit about how many new authors you discovered because you took the chance on an unknown. News flash, dipshit: I've done the same fucking thing! As I said before:

Just. Answer. The. Fucking. Question!

So I decided to show just how inane the answers were. Because really, in no other purchasing decision I can think of is it ever, EVER, beneficial to shout out to the masses, "Holy hatshit, folks! Hurry up and give me all your money while I'm new, clueless and PERFECT, 'cuz I'll be worth dick-squat when I take a second swing!"

That just doesn't happen. And to prove my point, I sent out this slightly tweaked question to the Facebookers who have the bad sense to follow me:

Yes. That is the point I was trying to make. You dumb-ass, you. And to drive it home more, there's this:

Authors and publishers: Please, pretty please, with sugar on it. Stop adding the word "debut" to your books. I already know I don't know you. You're not helping things telling me it's your first book. You may think that is somehow a buying signal, especially if you read the comments left on my status updates. But I assure you this: all of those people are lying. Through their teeth. Don't get me wrong. They have the best intentions at heart and do not even know that they are lying. Kinda like many psychics. But it's a lie none the same.

Write. Get better. Write again. Rinse. Repeat. Publish as soon as you can, for a back-catalog is key. But stop putting a barrier to entry on me trying out your book. It's great that it's your first book. Impress your mom with that shit. Me? I just want you to be a decent writer. Telling me you're new at this doesn't tempt me to buy. It just makes me think you probably suck. So icks-nay on the oobie-nu-ay, OK?

 

^{1 - No, I won't put you through the trauma of showing you the book. I've wiped it from my memory. You are welcome.}

^{2 - Don't hate, motherfuckers. It puts food on the table and I'm not evil.}

7th time's a charm: Ignite Phoenix After Hours #2 recap

I love Ignite Phoenix. I've never missed one, and have had the extreme pleasure of presenting at seven various permutations therein. Last night was no exception, and I'm still coming down from the high that I always get.

[caption id="attachment_1718" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Me, at IPAH #2. Taken by Joseph Abbruscato"][/caption]It was Ignite Phoenix After Hours last night, an evening that tends to get a little raunchier and rawer (more raw?) than the "normal" Ignite Phoenix evening. Kids aren't allowed, and the whole point is to present topics that blow past the idea of "family friendly". I went very blue last time, and decided this time to stick to my skeptical bent.

My talk was well received.

OK, my talks typically are pretty well received. I bust my ass to make a great Ignite presentation, then I rehearse like a madman. Even though it's just 5 minutes, I feel that if someone is taking time out of their busy schedule to watch me perform, I owe it to them to knock it out of the park. There are plenty of things in life I take the half-assed approach to. This is not one.

Back to my skepticism. My four prior "normal" ignite presentations have been crafted with critical thought in mind. But they've been a soft-sell. They've been setting the foundation, if you will, for last night's talk. Where before I simply helped people understand that they've got a problem with scale, this time I gave it teeth. I showed, if the accolades I received were any indication, that our ignorance and scientific illiteracy are having dire consequences. Were I Phil Plait, I'd have a picture of a cat and with DOOMED written on it. But yeah... he's spot on. Me? I said the word "fuck" and associated it with religion. Hey, we play to our own strengths.

Borrowing heavily on groundwork laid (lain?) by George Hrab, a fellow fan of science like myself, I aimed squarely at fundamentalists (less fun, more mental) and their inane assertion that the world is 6,000 years old. It's not. You know this. I know this. And my goal last night was to arm people with three overly obvious ways to really know this by examining the world around them. Not necessarily as a scientist, but by having an understanding of science and critical thought.

So that's what I did. And rather than keep writing about it (I tend to ramble), I'll just direct you to watch the video of Parables vs Facts: Why we know the earth is older than 6000 years. Because the audio of the video isn't fantastic, I spent the time (cripes, and what an amount of time it was) to add in closed-captions. Or, if you want less crowd and more of me reading from a script, you can check out the SlideCast I recorded the night before as I was rehearsing. Heck, might as well watch them both.

Parables vs Facts: Why we know the earth is older than 6000 years

View another webinar from Evo Terra

Thanks to everyone who watched and cheered at the right spots. And an extra helping of thanks to those of you who sought me out afterward to say thanks or just hello. I never, ever grow weary of that happening. So please, keep it up. :)

Phil Plait is the only thing stopping the universe from killing you

"When you're dealing with the Universe, ignorance can be deadly."

One of the baddest quotes from the Bad Astronomer himself, my Dr. Phil Plait. He's been playing all super seekrit with everyone for the last few months, as he jets all over the place filming and shooting his new project. And today, we found out what that super seekrit project is. I give you a sneak peek of a new Discovery Channel series, Phil Plait's Bad Universe!



I've watched it at least a half dozen times already. Partly because it looks so stinkin' cool. And partly because I can say, yes, that man is a friend of mine. He has the hots for my wife, and I have his cell phone number. How the hell do I deserve such cool friends? I don't know. But I'll take it.

Congrats on the pending release, Phil. Know you've got a dedicated household hoping you'll show us how to save us from a universe that obviously wants us DEAD!

And if you haven't picked up a copy of Death from the Skies!: The Science Behind the End of the World by Phil, I highly recommend you do. I wouldn't call it an uplifting read, but it's fascinating none the less. And you can hear Phil read from the book on on the track by the same name on George Hrab's latest album, Trebuchet. (Another person who I'm just giddy to know calls me a friend!)

Confessions of a skeptical herbalist

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="200" caption=" Skeletons in the closet"][/caption]In November 2004, I seriously considered getting into politics. Luckily the voice of reason -- my wife -- spoke up, with the true fact that I've not lived nearly a clean enough life. It's not that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. No, I have an entire basement full of them. I'd have to expose each and every one of them before entering a race, and no one would bother to read a press release that long. So no politics for me.

But in the post-TAM glow, I'm compelled to do more work to forward the cause of skepticism, science and rational thought. And just as with my brief flirtation with politics, there are few things I need to clear up, save someone expose them as evidence (heh) that my skepticism is somehow false.

Lucky for me, I've lived pretty much out loud and online since the early Oughts. So my big reveal shouldn't come as a surprise, since it was well documented.

In 2000, I completed a 18-month intensive study of western herbalism. To be specific, the class was taught by a wonderful practicing herbalist named JoAnn Sanchez, and classes took place at the Southwestern Institute of Healing Arts, or SWIHA for short. And yes, it's primarily a massage school. I have no knowledge of the curriculum of the school outside of JoAnn's classes. And quite frankly, I don't care. JoAnn's credentials in the herbal community -- whatever that may be worth to you -- were and remain impeccable. I learned much from her and the handful of other herbal medicine practitioners she introduced to me and the rest of the class.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Healthy or insane shelf 3"][/caption]Yes, some of what I learned I'd call bunk. But not all. Herbal medicine isn't like homeopathy, which is 100% bunk. To be more specific, there's nothing in homeopathic "remedies", save water. Nothing. I repeat. Nothing. If you think that's incorrect, I encourage you to do some research. Or wait a few days and keep reading. I'll have more to say on the matter of homeopathy and a grassroots movement I'm a part of.

But back to the non-bunkness of some (and that's an important word) of the claims made in regards to herbal medicine. Many plants -- hell, MOST plants -- have chemical compounds with pharmacological properties. Some of these pharmacological properties do effect the human body. Sometimes the effect is small, sometimes large. Sometimes the effect is good, and sometimes bad. As in dead-bad. Just ask Socrates.

So yes, I studied herbal medicine. And yes, I learned a lot. And even more yes, I still used plant-based medicine at home. I also use medicine my MD prescribes. And I use medicine I can buy over-the-counter at my local pharmacy.

While I wish I could say that all the herbal remedies I used had been adequately -- or even tentatively -- studied; I cannot. I, too, fell for the woo. I, too, fell for the "its been used to treat this for thousands of years" bullshit. On some plants. Guilty as charged. Yet the skeptic inside of me never died. He just got over-shadowed by the latent Believer that hadn't been let out since my brief fascination with UFO-ology in high school. Then I learned about the vastness of space. But I digress...

So yes, I know a lot about plant-based medicine. And yes, I still use plant based medicine. AS an alternative to "conventional" medicine? Some of it, sure. If I'm coming down with a sinus infection, I'll take some tincture of Mahonia repens. That I prepared myself. The antibacterial properties of the alkaloid berberine are well documented. Sure, I could go to the doctor and he could give me a broad-spectrum antibiotic, or maybe culture a sample of my snot and pinpoint the bacteria in question so he could prescribe a more specific antibiotic. But I know what I have (in this case) and know how to treat it (in this case). That's not woo. But if I don't know what I have? I'm calling the doc. And if I know what I have but I don't know how to treat it? I'm hitting the pharmacy. Or the doc.

Am I an expert on plant-based medicine? Probably more so than you. And for a handful of specific conditions I'm likely to deal with from time to time, close enough. But I know my limits. And I'll not be so foolish as to suggest a trip to the herbalist is as good as a trip to the doctor or pharmacy. In some cases, it may be. But unless you know what those cases are, don't risk it. Yes, I used to rail against "allopathic" medicine and the strawman of "big Pharma". Yes, I once questioned a doctor -- very, very briefly -- on his prescribed choice of treatment when my son developed a pretty nasty staph infection in his elbow joint. It took me all of about 5 seconds to realize there existed a vast gulf between what I knew and what the trained medical professional knew. Hence, my kid got the best that allopathic medicine had to offer. And kept his arm. As JoAnne taught us, "If I'm hit by a car, don't take me to an herbalist. Take me to the emergency room!".

Retrospectively, I probably couldn't have made it through the intensive program if I had my skeptical hat on. And maybe that would have been a good thing. But I don't think so. I have a hunger to learn new things. My cursory investigations lead me to conclude there was something to plant-based medicine, and I wanted to learn more. Studying with Joann seemed a good choice then. And it still does now. But don't expect me to rush to the defense of all plant based medicine. Nor should you expect me to lump herbalism in with the quackery of homeopathy. More on that quite soon. But for now, I think I've adequately aired out the biggest skeleton in my skeptical closet.

How about you?