[caption id="attachment_1474" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Vickie and the most handsome boy in the world"][/caption]This is my mom, Vickie. Today she passed a milestone that I'll never make: she retired from her job with the state of Oklahoma after 387 years*. With budget cuts looming and just a few years short of her initially planned date, they offered her an out. Which she took. Smart cookie. She takes after her only and most favorite son. He's the devastatingly handsome little boy wondering how the hell her eyelashes got so gigantic.
[caption id="attachment_1475" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Vickie teaches aerobics to my highschool class"][/caption]So while this is by all auspices a congratulatory post, it's also a chance for me to post a bunch of photos of Mom. (Click any to open full-size.) Hey, she mugs for the camera as much as her son. So the first thing you'll notices is that Mom is smoking hot. The first question you'll have is "did she have you when she was eight?" No, she did not have me when she was eight. She had me when she was 20. So if you know how old I am (hint: it's on Wikipedia), you'll know how old Mom is. Never tell a ladies age. But I can't stop you from knowing math. Nor could I stop her from teaching aerobics during my junior year in highschool to all of my friends. Yes. I assure you it was just as much as a treat as you are imagining. But I grew a pretty thick skin as a Lamarckian response.
[caption id="attachment_1476" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Vickie as The Village Person"][/caption]Mom still gets mistaken for for being decades younger than she is. Just a month ago, the lady at the local convenience store referred to her as "my wife". That doesn't mean I look old. No, gods dammit it does not! It means Mom does and always has looked much younger than she really is. And she acts that way too. I recall when she was in her late 30's -- I was in high school -- and she got carded. Carded! She was so grateful, she leaned across and hugged the attendant. And then showed her ID. She was with a friend some 10 years younger than her. Who did not get carded. Hi-larity ensued. Here she is at Halloween in the 70s. She's on the right, you idiot.
[caption id="attachment_1477" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Vickie and NJ"][/caption]She's also the best grandmother you could ask for. I can't speak from personal experience. Instead, I come from this knowledge vicariously through my son. I can't think of a major milestone she wasn't here for -- and that's living about 1,000 miles away from him since he as 4 months old. Talk about dedication. Oh, and he has her good looks too. Not in this picture. This is when he was incredibly fat. He grew into it.
[caption id="attachment_1478" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Vickie and a pig"][/caption]So here's to you, Mom. Congrats on sticking with the same boring, dull and mind-numbing job with the State. Enjoy south Texas or wherever the hell it is you wind up. Or flitter around. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you retire? I'm looking forward to having you and your band of four loonie girlfriends out here in August. I just hope Phoenix is ready for you and yours. I'll end with a pic of you and a pig. With no explanation. They can just wonder.
* - It may have been less time than that.